i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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