She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
