i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize