Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
