just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
