I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize