I wanna passion pit in your ass
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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