And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
