I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
