i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
