I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
