i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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