you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
