So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
