I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
