I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
