i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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