Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
please don't ironically join a cult
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