I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
