We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize