Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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