Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
