ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
