I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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