I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
