No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
