How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
