I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
