Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
