i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
