dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
