It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
