i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
