On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
