just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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