i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
