Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
