Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
