I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
