I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
