it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
