i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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