Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize