so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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