i will never coherently bang her
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
