That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
