Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
