Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
