I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
