turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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