U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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