My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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