I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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