I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
