Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
