oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
