another moral hangover. fuck.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
