i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
organizing the empties. That sober.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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