I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
