I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
