matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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