We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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