I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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