end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Best friends brother. Beat that.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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