my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I enjoy the company of your penis
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