Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
