I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
