So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
