I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
