You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
