oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You are a genius and a whore.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
