i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
even my farts smell like vagina
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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