It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
