Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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