So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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