I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
