my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
