People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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