My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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