what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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