No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
