I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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