I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
